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Words of Wisdom

June 5, 2012

“I think indifference may be the opposite of love but compassion is the beginning of recovery. I feel compassion for my ex for the things that he is suffering now. I don’t reach out to tell him that. I don’t offer to help in anyway. I just feel it.”

“In all the analysis, educated guessing, modeling and simulation you’ve done in your life, how well have you predicted your future so far? Did you think you would grow up, get married, get fucked over and get divorced? What makes you think that you can predict it any better now?

Imagine it great, imagine it awful. It’s your choice. Pay attention to yourself TODAY, your relationship today. And when you find yourself asking how you will feel in a year or two years or ten years or if you get fucked over again or if you get bored or if…

…just know that whatever you guess has as much chance as being an accurate picture of your future as the visions you had before your marriage.

It’s a crap shoot. Be smart, pay attention to TODAY, its gut feelings, its hope, its desire, its flags. And then let go of the outcome. Worry is borrowed trouble, much of which will turn out not to be yours!!! When you find yourself worrying/wondering, just ask yourself, “Ah, what the hell do I know anyway?”

Life will happen to you; living fully in today is what will create your best future. And my guess is it won’t be anything you’ve predicted so far. Hurt is part of life. If you try to protect yourself completely you only buy another kind of hurt, a life driven by fear.

My mentor always says, “Imagine your purpose in life, your biggest dreams. And know that you are underestimating yourself.” She means that whatever my biggest future is in my imagination, I can trust that my real future is meant to be greater (stronger, more soulful, deeper, more loving, more helpful, more “successful,” whatever…)

Let go of outcomes. Change is inevitable, you have to flow with it. Today is a good day to start. Is it sunny out? Is it Friday? Does your glass of tea taste good? Is the check out lady at the store smiling? Can you make her? Did your car start? Did your co-worker down the hall tell a funny story? You get the idea.

Infidelity has set me free in some ways. The pressure of living up to the image I had of a successful marriage, family, children, etc. was relieved when my ex-husband sucked the wind out of it all. So I’ve ruled that out, along with the expectations I had of myself to fulfill my part and succeed at it. Now on to my real life!”

“I had to learn to abandon the quest for a better past.”

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