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One man’s reflection on online dating

November 20, 2011
tags: ,

The big L word (loser) raises its ugly head. I grew up in a highly dysfunctional, angry family, and was bullied throughout much of school. Never had a girlfriend until I met my [ex-wife] when I was in my twenties. I was too shy and uncomfortable to ask anyone out. Never drank alcohol until the last few years of college. Never let loose and really enjoyed myself. Now, I’m this guy in his mid-forties. A guy who missed the starting gun.

I’ve been measuring how it is that I’m deficient, why I’m unattractive, and what parts of me must be purged and reinvented. My rather bland dating profile is really about me saying (by omission) that I’m not a loser.

I’ve been lamenting lost years, a sacrificed and wasted youth. But what a narrow, critical way to look at my life. I was awkward, but it wasn’t wasted. What I’ve looked at as weakness is without a doubt my greatest strength. There’s a special kind of compassion to be learned from having been on the harsh end of the stick.

It’s time to stop trying to jettison the best parts of me, and stop trying to create a second chance at youth. I did well with the chance I was given.

With this reframing, my “batting average” doesn’t matter any more. Hell, dating doesn’t matter any more. I have nothing to relive, nothing to prove. Now I just want to clean my apartment.

This is brilliant to me.

“I have nothing to relive, nothing to prove.” – that’s my new motto.

One Comment leave one →
  1. Charis permalink
    November 23, 2011 7:17 am

    I like that motto! x

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