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Casablanca (spoiler alert)

August 1, 2011

I went to see Casablanca at Wolf Trap this weekend. It’s been a few years since I’d seen it, and I’d forgotten some of the particulars, so about halfway through the movie I was pretty annoyed with Rick and Ilsa for their complete disregard of her marriage. In the end, of course, Rick makes the right choice and sends her away with Victor. Of course, his decision is largely based on the fact that his love for Ilsa has renewed his faith in humanity and he finally has a mission to live for again, not because he has a deep-set respect for the institute of marriage. Ilsa, on the other hand, would have left Victor for Rick in an instant, marriage be damned. Despite the romance of the film, I can’t help disliking her at the end of the day for that.

.

S. and I talked today about the pros and cons of giving my husband a “heads up” before filing for divorce.

The big pro is that if he has any inkling towards reconciliation that he’s been hiding from everyone, he would have a chance to apologize and tell me he wants to try at our marriage.

The cons are that it would be a colossal waste of my time, since he doesn’t deserve an inch from me. As one friend put it, he didn’t give me a heads up that he was going to have an affair, why do I feel that I owe him a heads up before filing?

What do you think? Is there any benefit to an email saying, “I’m going to file in a month and a half; if you have any reason I shouldn’t move forward, you’ve got 2 weeks to convince me”? Or is giving him something he doesn’t even deserve?

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. Charis permalink
    August 2, 2011 5:53 am

    Dude.. suprise him. You got a suprise of your life.. no doubt he deserves one too!

  2. Sjb permalink
    August 3, 2011 7:36 am

    How would you like to be treated?

    • August 3, 2011 8:18 am

      I would like to be treated like a wife whose husband doesn’t sleep with other women.

  3. Amy VV permalink
    August 3, 2011 4:22 pm

    I think in the end, it’s not about him – it’s about knowing 5 years down the road that you won’t be in the position to wonder what he would have said because you didn’t ask. You deserve to know whether or not he’s going to make the effort. To quote Rick’s famous line, if you don’t ask “…you’ll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.”

    Concurrently, if there was anything – any little thing at all – that was good about your relationship, then a simple e-mail is a sign of respect to that which is ending. Even if he won’t take that step, it’s worth something for you to do it.

    • August 4, 2011 12:24 am

      You’re actually the first person to give me a well reasoned argument for this.

      Hrmph. 😉

  4. Vivo4Vida permalink
    August 4, 2011 12:17 am

    Thank you. I finally understand Casablanca. Although I’ve seen the movie numerous times, it was never in one sitting and only in a highly disruptive environment, so I was never fully able to follow the plot.

    • August 4, 2011 12:25 am

      hahah….that’s amusing. It would be confusing if you didn’t see it all the way through or pay proper attention at certain points.

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