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Blessings, or Why This is Happening at This Very Moment

April 10, 2011

There is never a good time for a marriage to fall apart or for tragedy to strike. But if this had to happen, I truly believe that God picked the timing for it perfectly.

See, the community that is supporting me, propping me up, feeding me, taking me into their homes right now, these are friends who I wouldn’t have called close two weeks ago.

I have lived here less than a year. My closest friends are on the other side of the world, and they can’t do much for me now beyond praying (which they are). I didn’t feel close to my local friends, and would not likely have called them when this happened.

Except that he left on a Thursday, and we were supposed to go to a wedding that Saturday. So I went alone, with friends of ours. And everyone asked where he was. And instead of making up a story or making excuses, I told them the truth – we got into a fight, he had moved out, he chose not to come. It was all I knew, at the time. I didn’t find out about his mistress until the next night. When he showed up at my house to tell me, I was on the phone with one of the friends from the wedding. I hastily said goodbye, and after he left, I called her back, in tears. She and two other friends were at my house within the hour, and they simply sat with me. All week they have sat with me, in restaurants, in my home, in their homes, wherever it’s been convenient. They listen when I need them to and talk when I need distraction, and don’t mind that I say the same things over and over – “I don’t understand” “how could he do this?” “What do I do next?”

I truly believe that I would not have this support system right now if it hadn’t been for that wedding, which allowed me to be vulnerable. And I am eternally grateful for this support system. I need (and appreciate) it more than I can express.

“The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be
as long as life endures.”

We sang Amazing Grace in church this morning. It’s always been a favorite of mine, but I wept through the fourth verse. It’s hard to see the Good in my future right now, hard to see what He has in store for me, but His promises never fail, so I have no choice but to keep believing, keep praying, and keep accepting that He is my portion, and that that is good enough no matter what else may come.

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